How often as parents do we lose our minds, have a fit, say all types of things and act all type of ways only to regret it soon after. We know we ought to have patience with our kids, but in the moment, it’s so difficult.
What does it mean to have patience when parenting? Objectively, it means when we are able to keep our emotions in control so that we can respond appropriately and more effectively, instead of shouting or saying things we do not want to say.
So how do we achieve this patience?
According to Merriam Webster Dictionary, patience or to be patient means the following:
- bearing pains or trials calmly or without complaint
- manifesting forbearance under provocation or strain
- not hasty or impetuous
- steadfast despite opposition, difficulty, or adversity
- able or willing to bear —used with of
However, with all the stress and responsibilities of life, how do we as parent’s master patience if we know it’s good for us and good for those involved, our children, spouses etc.
Discover Your Triggers
As much as we can we can try to figure out what situations make us most impatient. For instance, we might tend to lose our patience when we are woken up early in the morning, when we are tired or when we are in a rush. This requires a sense of self awareness and consciousness. We must be deliberate and intentional about identifying triggers if we are to safeguard ourselves from our impatience.
Pay Attention to your Response
Observe what happens when you lose your patience. Look at what happens in your body and see what changes occur physically. For instance, pay attention to your thoughts. You might start breathing very shallow and then start to feel your pulse racing as your anxiety level goes up. You might start thinking along the all-or-nothing thinking pattern, where you think in extremes and jump to the worst case scenarios or exaggerate how good or bad things are.
It is important to figure out when we become impatient and what we do when we are and we can do that by paying attention to our habits. Noticing how our bodies respond ought to give us a dose of reality. That it’s not physically healthy to be losing control and allowing our adrenalin to flow so freely. Our hearts beating, butterflies in our bellies, hot flashes are all indicative of our health being compromised.
Create a Plan
Plan for preparing yourself before you get impatient. For instance, you might need a transition time between work and home to give you more downtime. Or, ahead of time, you might need to establish clearer house rules and expectations, write them down, and have specific consequences lain out if they aren’t met.
- Plan for how to deal with the impatience when it is occurring. Step away from the situation, take some time to calm down, maybe do some deep breathing or relaxing exercise.
- Follow-up after the situation to review it. You can sit down with your child and talk about his choices, or you can apologize to your child if you lost your patience.
Apologizing to your child serves as a role model in how to take accountability when your response is not what you would like. You now know your trigger, and you’ve decided you don’t want to lose control for yourself and for the sake of others. Now it’s time to plan for the inevitable. The things you hate are going to happen; your children are going to get on your nerves. Prepare for this. Set realistic expectations of your children, know what they will and will not do. Having a plan grounds you so you are setting yourself up for what is expected and giving yourself a way out in case, you find yourself emotionally triggered right from the beginning.
Set Aside Time for Yourself
Take care of yourself too and don’t forget how important that is. We cannot take care of others if we are not filling ourselves up with gas.
Losing our patience is normal. We are human, after all. And it can actually help us recognize when we are feeling overwhelmed, tired, or underappreciated. Patience is considered as ssteady perseverance. We must not give up, but come back and try again to be more effective and help our children develop into the best people they can be.
Parenting is a difficult task. There is no manual or step by step process designed to help you raise your child. Having an objective person who can look at your situation and give you a different perspective can be helpful. That is why Positive Kids has top of the line parenting classes for mothers and fathers like you. We will customize a plan designed specifically for the uniqueness of your household. We will monitor events and keep all parties accountable.
What we do!
Positive Kids offers parenting to families. There are clearly tools and strategies that work and others that don’t work. If you would like to explore parenting with Positive Kids, please call us at 866-503-7454 or email us firstname.lastname@example.org
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