Divorce is never easy, and while adults wrestle with grief, anger, and transition, it’s often the children who feel caught in the crossfire. For kids, especially younger ones, divorce can feel like the ground is shifting beneath their feet — and they don’t always have the language to express their confusion or pain. One of the most common emotional burdens children carry during divorce is the feeling of being stuck between two parents.
What It Feels Like for the Child
Children may feel:
- Torn in loyalty – Not wanting to “choose” between parents, but sensing they have to.
- Guilty – Believing the separation is somehow their fault.
- Confused – Struggling to understand two different versions of events.
- Anxious – Unsure of what’s going to happen next, where they’ll live, or if both parents still love them.
Even the most well-meaning parents can unknowingly place emotional pressure on their children — venting frustrations, seeking validation, or making comments about the other parent. This creates what therapists call a loyalty bind, where the child feels emotionally stuck, unable to fully connect with either parent without feeling Helping Children Who Feel Stuck During Divorce
Divorce can be incredibly tough on kids. As parents separate and start living apart, children are often left feeling confused, anxious, and caught in the middle. Even when both parents have good intentions, the emotional strain can leave children feeling like they have to pick sides — and that can be heartbreaking.
What Children Often Feel During Divorce:
- Torn between two people they love
“If I show love to Mom, will Dad be upset?”
“If I want to be with Dad more, will Mom feel sad?” - Responsible for keeping the peace
Some kids try to make everyone happy, hiding their own feelings in the process. - Worried about being left behind
They may wonder, “If Mom and Dad stopped loving each other, could they stop loving me too?” - Overwhelmed by change
New homes, new rules, different routines — it’s a lot for a young mind to process.
Warning Signs Your Child May Be Struggling:
Acting out (tantrums, aggression) or withdrawing
- Trouble sleeping or frequent nightmares
- Complaints of stomachaches or headaches
- Drop in school performance
- Avoiding one parent or feeling guilty after visits
How to Help Your Child Through Divorce:
1. Tell them it’s not their fault — and mean it.
Kids often blame themselves. Remind them regularly: “This is a grown-up issue, and we both love you no matter what.”
2. Keep them out of adult problems.
Never use your child to deliver messages, spy, or make decisions about custody or court issues.
3. Let them love both parents freely.
Avoid speaking negatively about the other parent in front of your child. Let them build their own relationship.
4. Create routine and stability.
Consistency in schedules, meals, and daily life can reduce anxiety and help them feel safe.
5. Check in on their feelings.
Ask open questions like, “What’s been hard for you lately?” or “Is there anything you wish I knew?”
6. Get professional help if needed.
Child counselors or family therapists can help kids express their emotions and cope in healthy ways.
Final Thoughts
Children don’t need perfect parents — they need present ones. Even when families change, children can thrive with love, stability, and emotional safety.
By working together (even when it’s hard), parents can give their children the greatest gift through divorce: the freedom to love both parents without fear or guilt.